Have I forgotten how to enjoy it?

These are supposed to the be the years of my life that I remember for the rest of my life... The happy carefree days. But why don't I remember the last day in the recent past that I truly enjoyed myself? I hear about the people having bbqs, getting sunburns, and frolicking about outside, and I wonder why my heart still feels like winter.

Between getting googly-eyed over regulations of getting a US work visa, and studying bioactivity of pesticides, I can't really recall a day since exams have started that I haven't been stressed out over something. I've been on such a rollercoaster ride with my quickly fading potential job teaching foot-launched hang gliding at North Carolina, and spending my days being a beach bum and with Katie... I had gotten such good vibes from the place I wanted to work at. They had basically hired me, and told me to start the work visa application process. And then it's essentially hit me like a solid wall of bureaucratic red tape.
I've never read regulation that has been so ridiculously incomprehensible. There is stuff that is easy on the eyes, but the stuff that isn't, WATCH OUT! It's enough trouble for a university student of a english speaking country... I'm just trying to imagine how someone with little or no english language abilities is supposed to wade through this quagmire of words. And they try to suck me for all the money they can get... calling their help hotline costs $2.25/min.. i've spent at least 10 minutes on that stupid thing... time and money i'll never get back again.

So after getting all worked up reading these regulations, I'm getting worried over getting an appointment at the embassy in toronto in time. There's a 42 day wait, and they take a hefty $100 nonrefundable visa application fee that must be pre-processed.. but after calling the $2.25/min hotline, I figure out that that for most canadians, you shouldn't have to book an appointment with the consulate to get any type of visa, in usual circumstances. Just have all your documentation and head right on over to the border port-of-entry... So great, I think to myself... No $100 pre-paid application fee, and no 42 day wait to get my appointment to apply for a visa. Then I narrow down the list of categories of work visas that I need to apply for to two kinds... (there's over 20), and give it to my employer, to see what they think. Apparently they can't do either of the categories... they're not certified for it, or something...

Then they suggest I go for an "exchange visitor" visa... To get one of these, I need to go through a "sponsoring" organization, and they like to take a good $500 fee for their services... At which point, I'm essentially in the hole, in terms of earning any money. As well, most of these organizations will only give 4 month visas (as opposed to the 6 months I would ideally like), and they take like almost 8 weeks to process my application, and lastly, want me to be a returning student in the fall. none of these things work out for me...


So the moral of the story is that I think i'm essentially fucked, in terms of getting this great job for the summer, partly because I didn't figure it out earlier, and partly because of the fuckin paperwork both me and the employer are subjected to.
To get a temporary worker visa, my employer would have to prove that they've advertised, and offered the position to american workers, before technically being allowed to offer me the job. They also have to jump through so many hoops... and paying money just to get me to work for them... and I don't really it's fair for them to have to do that. but I do want the job...


Sorry about that being COMPLETELY INANE... but that's basically been the bane of my existence thsi past while. And just today, I realized that I most likely won't be getting this job... and hence I will need to now start looking for jobs in ontario, as well as a place to stay. It's worrisome that I got so excited over this hang gliding job, and now that it's fallen through, I don't have a really developed backup plan.

I've found some potential job leads that could be good, in guelph... One of them was due on april 13th, but I'm going to try applying for it anyways. It looks like a REALLY sweet job... basically doing research on old heritage buildings.
So it's been a bit hard to concentrate on the two exams that are looming ominously for monday. and a chemistry and a history exam to boot. Talk about switching mental gears... and I was so set on being able to spend the summer with Katie, and suddenly, I probably won't be, and I feel like every moment with her is so precious, and I can never have enough of them...


So yeah.. such are the tribulations of being a 22 year old. happy belated birthday to me...

p.s. I did have a good time on my birthday though! I went to Carden St. Cafe, the place I went for my birthday in first year. It's like I've come full circle or something. Too bad so many good friends couldn't make it because of exams. I guess that's the way the price you pay for being an Aries in University. Then we went home and ate the cake that my roomies baked me... mmm, chocolate caramel cake with skor bits... and proceeded to play card games. good times, good times...