Sometimes I don't recognize this place anymore...
I guess I see people write, and I wish words would flow from my fingers more freely, unhindered by the shitwords that just takes up space half the time.
There's so many swirling words inside my brain right now, and I don't know how to let it out... maybe i need to freewrite on paper. But i'm afraid stream of consciousness can't even save me, not that my writing isn't basically that already, but whatever. I just don't feel like I can articulate myself on a level where at least I can understand, and really, it doesn't make me want to write much..

Anyways, school has been alrighty.. I've suddenly been struck by a bolt of apathy, and it rather tears me up inside. Midterms have been coming up, and I've studied and tried my best. I guess I'll find out how I did soon enough... and then I can have another 3 midterms up the wazoo... Yippee yah yay...

But yeah, I think maybe I'm just feeling funny, because I just don't know how to deal with it right now... you know.. the f-word.
F-u-t-u-r-e
The word that I imagine is having quite the exercise, running through the minds of all the soon to be graduates this year coming up... I suppose it can either send your whole body tingling with anticipation, with the prospect of no more bowing to the academic gods (or demons, whichever strikes your fancy), or it can inflict upon you a mind-paralyzing blow to.. well, your mental groin. I think I'm beginning to subscribe to the latter school of thought, as I realize that it's getting close to november, and the semester is half gone. and it feels like nothing has happened, yet everything has. I got my appointment for my grad photos last friday... I can't decide whether to be excited or not.. It's like one more certain step to uncertainty.
Is this why everybody seems to be going entirely fucky? Well, not fucky, but seemingly making huge changes in their lives... I know personally 4 or so people who have gotten engaged in the last... few months or so.. Probably 4 more people just falling into love, and another few who are falling out of it.. Relationships aren't the only defining factor is people's lives, but I'm sure they DO rank right up there with everything else...
It is a disconcerting time for many, I guess... In many ways, chooosing the paths that their future feet will walk on... And I think that many of these paths bring huge changes, not necessarily good nor bad... but just very profound.
So for now, I guess I'll stand at the crossroads, looking one way into a path leading into the unknown, and then the other way, into a path that leads to a place where none may know either.

Other highlights of the past few weeks:
-I went with Katie to Erie for canadian thanksgiving, to spend a few days with her family, and took a nice long 7 hour bus ride home, with the funniest bus driver EVAR. When was the last time you heard a greyhound bus driver say "fo shizzle", among many other things
-Katie and I marked our third year together with copious amounts of studying in the library for our midterm, and then we got to spend some quality time together, something that seems to be very rare indeed. But the fact we did get to spend time with each other was really the only thing that mattered to me in the end.
-I went to THE Oktoberfest in Kitchener Waterloo, the land of schnitzel, sausages, beer, and cheesy german polka music. However, when I arrived, it was to a white Molson tent, with lukewarm meats, overpriced beer, and polka music that ranging from the Chicken song, to sounding like it went on a tropical vacation (imagine polka infused Beach Boys or that Tequila Sunrise song by the Eagles) Ah well, it was decent fun while it lasted... Besides, if I didn't go to Oktoberfest, what would I tell my non-existent grandchildren?
-I've decided to cut down on my consumption of the refuse littering the internet, and spend more time on what i really want to do, and not what my horribly attention deficient mind is capable of distracting itself with.

| feeling: uneasy |
| listening: Incubus - Mexico |
Today's Fotolog: shimmering

p.s. I've had the luck of finding all sorts of fun places to upload pictures with! Watch this space!