The Excitement begins.... weeEEeeee!!

Today I bought a majority of my gear that i'll need for my trip... A nice new travelling backpack, foam pad (for sleeping), and just some other random small things that I will for sure be using in the future in my adventures. Partly because I simply wanted to check it out, and partly out of excitement, i packed my stuff into my new bag to see how everything will fit. And if you ask me, it looks dammmmmmnnn fine! Today has been an exciting day, and it's sorta the first day that it's hitting me that i'll be off to costa rica in... omigod!! 2 DAYSS!!!!!!! AHHHHHHHHH!!! There's still some apprehension in me that is growing as my day of departure creeps closer, but it's almost a good feeling, and I know that i'll be in good hands.


So it's basically the first day at my aunt's that i've actually been outside.... we went to MEC today, and i felt bad for my cousin, because she had to wait so long in the car for me, while I was traipsing about finding fun and exciting things that i wanna add to my slowly accumulating travel gear. And as well, it's basically the first day that I feel that I've done something... worthwhile, I guess? In a way, I feel like I'm being left behind here in my little shelter from the world, but at the same time, I'm just resting for a grand adventure that awaits me.

I've been just taking it easy and relaxing, waking up to my aunt's dog snuggling into my futon and fiddling around my computer so that it's all ready to roar when i see it in the fall, so it's been good, but it's not been anything really memorable. But I guess in a way, it's been sort of a time of reflection, of myself, and the world as I know it. I haven't really come up with anything really profound, but sitting in my little microcosm (which will be now known henceforth as my aunt's apartment), just observing the world (through the news, as biased as it is), and my friends (through their blogs), you really get a sense of how the world just keeps moving on without you. People grow and change, and each person has their unique little footprint that they leave on the world which changes it forever. And sometimes, I regret not being able to be there as they grow, and it saddens me to an extent to think that our lives are growing not in the same direction, as I had always imagined they would. Sometimes I think I am somewhat hung-up about breaking off connections with other people, especially if I became good friends with them, even if it was for a little while. Like trying to clean my email addressbook, I'm always like "What if they still consider me a friend, and one day we'll catch up on all the times we've missed in each other's lives." But sometimes I really think about it... if i haven't talked to them for a good 3 years or so, will they even remember who I am? Sometimes I see people that lived in the same section as me last year, and they don't even recognize me it seems like. Or maybe it's just that they want to skip the awkward small talk that you have with people that you knew, but never really enough to have a decent conversation with.

Something else I realized as my cousin was driving me through downtown Toronto on the way to the MEC. I'm so torn by the dichotomy of my desires and interests, in terms of nature, and human culture. While some can say that they can "co-exist", it is, in my mind at least that it's only allowing the survival of one by limiting the growth of another. But does a busy urban city street bustling with people, cars, and fancy restaurants really jive with the sheer beauty and strength of a forest, alive with millions of organisms, smells, and sights? I just can't see it in my mind. And I want to be proved wrong, proved that somehow it can happen, but with the way that cities are growing like a cancer, can I, dare I hope for that? But what I do, when I want to taste each of these experiences, to walk down that street, and to carefully step my way through the forest? I guess I'm just having issues trying to reconcile those two aspects of my life together, because a part of me wants to live in an apartment, and have swanky furniture, and all that jazz, and another part of me wants to go walk into the wilderness, and see the divine that is nature.

| Mood: elated, but confused |

| Music: whirring of a fan and the rumble of a slumbering city|